How to Get Through a Bad Movie
We’ve all been there before; sitting in a movie theater with family, watching The Smurfs 2 (2013); sitting on the couch with Grandma, trying not to doze off during Camelot (1967); forcing yourself to watch a 3 ½ hour silent film directed by D.W. Griffith—if that name sounds familiar, he is the jackass who made the despicable The Birth of a Nation (1915). In an ideal world, you would turn off the film, check your phone, or enjoy a nap. But life does not often afford us such luxuries.
You can’t check your phone in a movie theater—and if you do, you suck. You wouldn’t want to disappoint your grandmother—especially after she just bought you new jeans. Lastly, you need to watch this poor excuse for entertainment to check off a box on the AFI top 100 movies list. Of course, these are all hypothetical examples not at all related to my personal experiences. But if, by some strange coincidence, they were my experiences, I would have liked to have a list compiling methods I could use to feign my enjoyment. Here is a list of tips and tricks to help you sit through the doozies.
TIP #1: Hyperfocus
Though it’s taken a whole 19 years to perfect, this is my number one strategy to sit through bad movies. I’ve found it to be widely effective, especially if you have a general appreciation for film. This method involves focusing on one specific aspect of the film.
Say you’re watching a movie that looks pretty, but the story is mind-numbingly boring. Start thinking to yourself, why does this movie look nice? Pay close attention to the camera angles used, the lighting employed, or the color palette. How do these factors affect the mood of the film and ultimately tell the, albeit uninteresting, story?
One film that comes to mind for me is Emma (2020). In Emma’s case, the cinematographers employed a bright color palette in conjunction with symmetrical shots to give the film a storybook-esque aesthetic. They also utilized extreme close ups and unattractive angles to make the viewer feel a sense of intimacy with the characters.
I couldn’t tell you anything about the actual plot, if there actually was one. However I found that hyperfocusing on these details helped the movie go by much faster. I even had some unique insight to impress my mom with when the movie was over.
The great thing about the hyperfocusing method is that you can apply it to any aspect of a film. The soundtrack, the costumes, and any other elements of “movie magic” are fair game to keep you occupied.
Why did the director choose these songs, or these clothes? How did they pull off this stunt without anyone dying—cough cough Rust (2020) cough cough. At its best, hyperfocusing will give you a new appreciation for how complicated the production of a movie truly is. And at the very least, it will help you to sit through a crappy film
Tip #2: Culture, Culture, Culture
Let’s say hyperfocusing doesn't work. There is literally nothing interesting about the film. It happens more often than one would think. Instead of honing in on aspects of the movie itself, take a look at when this movie was made.
What compelled the creators to pick this particular story, given the point in time? What historical context does the film reside in? What about the dialogue, costumes, cinematography, etc reflects the time period?
On paper, this may sound like a difficult and mentally taxing exercise. In reality, you’d be surprised with how much you know. I used this method when watching Swing Time (1936). I hope to God that no one reading this has ever seen this film.
Ranked 90 among the top 100 American films of all time, it is quite possibly the worst movie I’ve had the displeasure to endure. The narrative is nonsensical, the acting is terrible, and, worst of all, there is literally an entire dance sequence done in blackface.
Despite all of this, Swing Time was a massive hit at the time it was released. I started to think about when it was made (the 1930’s) and I realized potential reasons behind the film’s success. For one, this was a silly movie, one which likely provided great distraction from the dire straits faced by most people during the Great Depression.
Lead performers Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire danced gleefully despite the massive unemployment and universal destitution gripping the nation.Additionally, some of the shaky plot points rode on this historical context. Fred Astaire’s character finds himself penniless in New York City, looking for a job. This was a relatable situation for many people during the 1930s, and the character’s triumph likely resonated with viewers.
Though I hated the film with an undying passion, I got through it without falling asleep or screaming (too loudly) at the screen. This method applies to modern movies too—look at feminist flicks and political dramas, or children’s movies addressing technology. The movie may suck, but the culture the movie reflects is often intriguing.
You have tried everything. You’ve tried paying attention to the plot, which quickly failed. You have thoroughly analyzed the camera work, the soundtrack, the acting methods, and have thought deeply about the historical context. You check the time and it’s only been 10 minutes. You have two whole hours to kill. What now? If left in this unfortunate situation, there are a few things you can do to distract your brain from what’s going on onscreen.
- Intentional daydreaming: Find something, anything, to think about. Go through your tasks for the day- do you have any emails you need to write, or people you need to call? Do you want pasta or pizza for dinner?
Where are all of the possible places you would rather be than here, watching this horrendous movie? Did that guy really flirt with you in your CS lecture, or was he actually just asking for a pencil? Your mind can go on forever like this if you let it.
— People watching: This method is fun. Look around you and who you are watching the film with. How are they reacting to it? Do they actually like this crap, or are they in as much pain as you are? Be careful though, this method could easily creep people out if you stare too long.
And if you find that you are the only person in the room, what are you doing? Turn the movie off, jeez.
— Literally get out of your chair: Absolutely nothing about this experience is engaging. You would take waterboarding over this torture. You contemplate writing to the CIA suggesting that they use this film in Guantanamo Bay.
Instead, you can find an excuse to move. Go to the bathroom and spend 15 minutes scrolling through TikTok. Get up and get yourself a snack or some water. You will only be gone for a fraction of the movie, but at this point, anything helps.
— Laugh: The worst is upon you. You’ve already been to the bathroom 5 times and have eaten your weight in a large variety of snacks. For whatever reason, you are trapped with this awful movie. Instead of crying in despair, start laughing. Laugh at how boring, or how cheesy, or how melodramatic the film is. I used this method with a certain Netflix special. I thought to myself, why is Zack Efron, Mr. Teen Heartthrob of the early 2010s, starring in a movie about a notorious serial killer?
If you think about it, it’s kinda funny how outrageous such a concept is. I imagined that the writers wrote Ted Bundy to be a grown up Troy Bolton who simply could not get his head in the game. It’s morbid, but kind of hysterical at the same time. So I started laughing.
If people look at you weird, look right back. They are crazy to voluntarily watch this garbage. And maybe you’ll find a friend, some lunatic like you, cackling at the back of the theater.
I love film. I rarely find movies boring, and enjoy nearly every viewing experience. However, there are some really, really bad movies out there, and I know how excruciating it can be to sit through one.
I hope these tips can give you some hacks to make the process a little more bearable. And when that bad movie strikes, I hope you will be prepared.
